Results...

Finally everything has past... Everything that i've been thru, i'll remember it forever in my life... It's like things that are really really tough to go thru, i've been thru it... Everything seems so unexpected, where it comes in all of a sudden, and it goes off as well... Last Monday I went to the hospital to collect my CT Scan report. The doctor said that i've to wait till Wednesday to confirm everything and to make sure that i'm fine... Days went past and on Wednesday, the doctor called. Congratulations, Daniel Kok, you're fine! I was like, FINALLY!!! Thanks to everyone that is concern about me... The support that you guys all gave to me, it really pushes me to the max from the beginning till the end of the treatment... My hair is now growing in progress... And the coming days I'll take good care of myself to make sure that i will be able to pass thru the 5 years reoccurent period... I'll be resuming my studies in July to make sure that everything will be able to cope with me... Thanks again, my friends...

Final chemo...

It's been all these while i wanted to have my final chemo... I dunno why somehow i dun feels like doing it anymore... I'm seriously tired with it... I've had enough with this chemo... Things went past smoothly for the past 3 chemo... I'm glad that i've got someone to accompany me along with my chemo... Thanks Justin Wong... Someone special to me... He's helping my throughout the past chemo and I do hope he'll continue accompany me throughout everything... I dunno why i just feels like i wanna runaway from the hospital skipping the chemo... I dun feels like doing it anymore... Yes i've been crying for so many times about this... But wad can i do? Can i really skip it? NO~! Things happened so dramatically... Chemo............... Sigh... I seriously feels like giving up everything... I dun feels like staying in a hospital for 6 days anymore... It makes me feel sick when i think about the feeling of lonely in the hospital... It made me feels down when i see someone else that is suffering something that is even worse than me... I feels like crying now... Probably everyone might think that i'm a cry baby or whatsoever... But that's the only way for me to let out my pressure... No one knows what do i feel when thing comes... Can someone tell me wad's my future? what's gonna happen to me? will things be better? or getting worse? no one knows... God knows... I now pray to God to give me a tight faith to go through my final chemo... Please grant me faith to hold with... Cit, a long distance relationship between you and me i will hold it tight, cuz i know it's hard to find a true love, and it's hard to get someone loving and caring... But i've found you Cit... Thanks Cit... Distance to me seriously is not a problem... Shall we overcome it together? I love you...

Cycle 3 in hospital... NOW... LOL...

Yup.. kinda excited being online in the hospital for the first time... after admitting into the hospital for twice and failed to go online, i thought cannot edi la... sure failed wan... but surprsingly this morning, when i turn on the laptop and thought of giving it a try again... WOOHOO!!! it's connected wor... hahahha... surprisingly that i can go online... Haha... I was like... YEAH MAN!!!! at least i've got something to do to kill my time... boredom in me... hahhahahahaha... but yet wad else i can do... besides blogging... hahahah... well, being the first day in the hospital yesterday was like.... aww man... gonna be in here for the next 6 days... was like... pls la... give me a break... but yet... finally i got this break now... woohoo!! thank god... saved me... hahahahha... well by this time my chemo is still not arrived yet... wondering how come la... just hope to finish it asap.. dun drag me around more pls... argh... it's a great big 'event' where again i'm admitted... argh... no choice but to go on... but surprisingly my oncologist told me one thing... 'hey dude, your tumour markers are all down!! great job!!' i was like, thank god la... finally... hahahha... well, missed my life out there when i'm still able to go out to karaoke and things like that... hmmm... that's all for now la... will update later... hahahha...

Second Cycle of Chemotherapy

Well it's been a tough time too for this cycle... Was kinda depressed when having some thoughts back about my ex... Well, luckily i was discharged on the 24th morning... and yet i'm still able to celebrate my sweet christmas at home... haha... so nice... and warm... although none other than my family members celebrated my christmas eve and day with me but yet it's more than enough and i'm glad that i could have just celebrate it at home rather than in the hospital!! haha... things went past for the second cycle smoothly but of course as usual a little bit slow as was waiting everyday for the medicine to go into my body and flush it back out... but i do hope all these will work for me... pray for the best!!

my first cycle of chemotherapy

it has been a big time for me to go thru my chemo... it's like having 6 days of jailed in and the medicine are really explosive for me... it's my first time having a needle in my hands for 6 days... both my hands were swollen and also sore... finally discharged on the 3rd of dec... and then got back home... yeah!! home sweet home... but still the time is like passes by so slowly... having tons of toxics in my body... and have to dispose them asap... and the next day have to get back to the hospital for blood test... and on wednesday, another jap again... this jap is really suffering... it was ok for me in the morning time after the jap... but when i got back home, it was like my head went even much BIGGER than the whole UNIVERSE!! i was like OMG... dizzy, nauseating, suffers a lot... that night was really a century for me... rest is the most important to chemo patients!! so the only thing i did was... SLEEP!! and the day went past... the sunshine is back!! so hopefully all 4 cycles of chemotherapy will be the same thing like this to me... cuz... comparing with a lot of others mine is the most minor one... thanks a lot... and thank God...

the things in my mind...

finally it has come to the last 2 days to stay in my house before i leave for my chemotherapy... A year ago i was diagnose with testicular cancer... It was the most ever unacceptable thing in my life... It has totally changed my life from a very tiny bit till everything... my lifestyle, my attitude... it has affected me for everything... When i was first diagnosed, i could still take it to have an operation to take out my right testicle to save my life... and on january 23rd this year, suppose to have my chemotherapy but yet the doctor of oncology department told me that i do not have to!! it has brought me a real happiness to myself and my family... we all thought that it has over and will not be coming back again... but during june, it's back again... it's already in my lymph nodes... and first i thought it'll be fine... but till last month, it's getting worse... my tumour markers went up and up till it never ends... therefore no choice but to accept the fact that i have to do the chemotherapy again... it took me almost a month to accept this fact and face it... it was really a big matter to me... all these while i took things for granted... i thought it will end just like that... but it shows me that it has been fated to have chemotherapy and i will never escape this thing... in fact, many people told me that my face doesn't even shows that i have any symptoms to be a cancer patient... it has took me a hard time to accept that i have got cancer and i need to do treatment now... everything happened just like in a second... flew past away very very fast... and 2 more days later, i will be in the hospital taking this treatment... it will take me 3 months to finish one course, which are 4 cycles... the first cycle will be admitted into hospital for the first 5 days then discharge for 2 weeks but within the 2 weeks i will have to go back to the hospital and put on drip for 2 times... and this will happen in every cycle... the side effects that might happen on me took me really long time to accept it... hair falls, nausea... well, currently to me and the only thing i hope is that my chemo period will shorten as the tumour markers has down a little bit comparing with the past 2 weeks... so hopefully everything will be fine for me... do pray for me...