the things in my mind...

finally it has come to the last 2 days to stay in my house before i leave for my chemotherapy... A year ago i was diagnose with testicular cancer... It was the most ever unacceptable thing in my life... It has totally changed my life from a very tiny bit till everything... my lifestyle, my attitude... it has affected me for everything... When i was first diagnosed, i could still take it to have an operation to take out my right testicle to save my life... and on january 23rd this year, suppose to have my chemotherapy but yet the doctor of oncology department told me that i do not have to!! it has brought me a real happiness to myself and my family... we all thought that it has over and will not be coming back again... but during june, it's back again... it's already in my lymph nodes... and first i thought it'll be fine... but till last month, it's getting worse... my tumour markers went up and up till it never ends... therefore no choice but to accept the fact that i have to do the chemotherapy again... it took me almost a month to accept this fact and face it... it was really a big matter to me... all these while i took things for granted... i thought it will end just like that... but it shows me that it has been fated to have chemotherapy and i will never escape this thing... in fact, many people told me that my face doesn't even shows that i have any symptoms to be a cancer patient... it has took me a hard time to accept that i have got cancer and i need to do treatment now... everything happened just like in a second... flew past away very very fast... and 2 more days later, i will be in the hospital taking this treatment... it will take me 3 months to finish one course, which are 4 cycles... the first cycle will be admitted into hospital for the first 5 days then discharge for 2 weeks but within the 2 weeks i will have to go back to the hospital and put on drip for 2 times... and this will happen in every cycle... the side effects that might happen on me took me really long time to accept it... hair falls, nausea... well, currently to me and the only thing i hope is that my chemo period will shorten as the tumour markers has down a little bit comparing with the past 2 weeks... so hopefully everything will be fine for me... do pray for me...