Things has sorted out... But...

Yeah finally things has been sorted out... I've done an intergrade stenting into my kidney to prevent it from swell... But yet it still comes to an arguement on both oncologist and urologist... My oncologist said:" Operation is need for your RPLN Dissection, no chemotherapy will be given...", where my urologist said:"Chemotherapy is needed, we can't proceed with the RPLND cuz it's too big to be dissected..." So what the hell is going on? I mean can't they just give me a confirm decision? ARGH~~!!!! Okay let me tell you what is going on... Chemotherapy didn't shrink my so called "enlarged lymph nodes"... I've took 4 cycles of BEP to reduce my tumor markers and yet it worked! But it didn't work on my lymph nodes... So which means it's either a growing teratoma or it's actually just a cyst... Ya according to the oncologist, whatever which is remained from the chemotherapy will have to be operated... But just imagine a size of 11cm x 11cm x 7cm in my abdomen area which is ENCAVING MY AORTA... So what will happen if operation is performed? WOO~ A great BIG MASSIVE EXPLOSION it will be... I really don't know what is the correct way to deal with this... Shall i just leave it alone? Or shall i go ahead with the damn bloody risky operation? No one knows what is the successful rate of the opt will be cuz it's too massive to be estimated... Things can't be predicted as well... Dillema has come to me again... To do or not to do? Leave it or do it? Anyone can tell me?

Praying hard...

I'll be admitting into the hospital today in the afternoon for the stenting process done... I don't know what is going to happen for the stenting but just pray hard that it will be fine... And till today i'm still praying very hard for my biopsy report... It's still not out yet... The pending mood makes me go crazy soon... It's really unpredictable... How come things are always like that? Can't it be a little bit more predictable? The way that the radiologist said that day was really 'nothing'... But who will know what exactly it will be? God knows... I would like to say my prayer here... "Dear Lord, I'm your child. Please heal me with your blood and take away my disease. I'm really lost and getting nervous. Please Lord, please tell me what will happen to me and make it to be a good one. I know you can do it for me."